The Safeguarding Parent Checklist: When Knowing Too Much Is Both a Blessing and a Curse
I’ve worked in safeguarding for more than 20 years. I have my own personal experiences of what ‘safeguarding’ means as both a child and an adult, and I think that’s why I fell into the profession to help others.
I’ve trained professionals, supported organisations, reviewed policies, talked about risk, professional curiosity, online safety, safer cultures and the importance of noticing the things that don’t quite feel right.
And then I became a mum…. queue my North East friends and family shouting ‘it’s MAM not MUM and me saying, we live in the South now, we say mum down here.’
Suddenly, all that knowledge and experience I have gained over those 2 decades felt very different, because there is a strange contradiction to being a parent who works in safeguarding. Knowledge is incredibly empowering but sometimes, knowing what can happen makes the world feel a little scarier too.
I know of a lot of risks that I want to protect my daughter from but of course every day I learn more and more and I would be silly to think I know it all. I do know why certain precautions matter and most importantly, I know that safeguarding knowledge can’t always simply wrap children in cotton wool.
But in all honesty of course I know things that on occasion I sometimes wish I didn’t know.
So I thought I’d share some of the practical safeguarding habits I use as a parent, not because every family needs to do exactly the same, and certainly not to make parents more anxious, but because some simple habits can help us protect our children while still allowing them to explore their world.
My safeguarding checklist as a parent
I take a photograph of her before or during all days out
This is probably one of my most consistent habits.
If we’re going somewhere busy a theme park, zoo, shopping centre, event, airport or attraction, I take a quick photograph of my daughter that morning.
It means I have an up-to-date photograph showing exactly what she is wearing that day.
Hopefully it will never be needed for anything other than my camera roll, but if she were ever separated from me, I wouldn’t be trying to remember whether she was wearing the pink jumper or cream one while panicking. I could immediately show someone:
“This is her. This is exactly what she is wearing today.” It takes seconds.
I don't put her name on things where strangers can easily see it
Personalised clothing and bags are lovely, but I’m cautious about having my child’s name prominently displayed when we’re out. I do have these things but only when she is in the correct environment.
A stranger being able to call a young child by name can immediately create a sense of familiarity.
I don't want safeguarding to become “stranger danger”
Children are far more likely to encounter people they know than mysterious strangers hiding around corners.
So rather than teaching that strangers are automatically dangerous and familiar adults are automatically safe, I want her to gradually understand things like:
her body belongs to her
she can say no to unwanted touch
adults shouldn't ask children to keep worrying or uncomfortable secrets
she can always tell us something, even if somebody has told her she'll get into trouble
if something feels wrong, confusing or uncomfortable, she can tell a trusted adult.
The aim isn't to frighten her, it's to build confidence and she is already a force of nature so I am hopeful this will blossom.
I don't force affection (well not too much)
“Give them a kiss.”
“Go on, give them a cuddle.”
It can feel completely harmless and usually it is but I want my daughter to learn that she has some control over physical affection.
If she doesn't want to kiss or cuddle someone, that's okay.
We can still teach children kindness and manners without teaching them that adults are entitled to physical affection from them.
I will absolutely still ask for hugs as often as I can possibly get them, especially when I don’t get a look in with dad being home, but usually she responds with the biggest smile and on occasion she is too busy for me and says ‘mummy stop’.
I pay attention to adults as much as I pay attention to my child
Safeguarding has taught me the importance of noticing behaviour.
Who respects children's boundaries?
Who ignores them?
Who encourages secrecy?
Who respects her routines and our wishes?
Who constantly wants one-to-one access?
Who dismisses a child's discomfort?
Who makes me feel uneasy, even when I can't immediately explain why?
Being professionally curious doesn't mean assuming everyone is dangerous. It means not ignoring something simply because questioning it feels uncomfortable. I am very protective of environments she visits and who with.
In busy places, I think about our “what if” plan
As she gets older, this will evolve.
Where would we meet if we got separated?
Who could she safely approach for help?
Can she identify staff?
Does she know my full name?
Eventually, does she know my phone number?
I attended a festival the other week with my step-daughter and we had this plan down to a tea… but for younger children, there are also practical options such as wristbands or contact details placed somewhere discreet.
The important thing for me is making it normal rather than frightening.
I'm already thinking about online safeguarding before she really needs it
This is probably one of the biggest challenges facing parents now. Online safety cannot suddenly begin when a child gets their first phone and it starts much earlier.
What do we share about our children online?
Who can see it?
What information does a photograph reveal?
Does it show their nursery or school?
Their uniform?
Their regular activities?
Our home?
Their location?
And as children grow, conversations about devices, games, messaging, images, privacy, consent and online relationships need to grow with them.
I have had many constructive discussions and ‘battles’ or complete outright non-acknowledgement from organisations such as ballet schools, photography businesses and education already. Who knows how this will progress as she gets older.
I try not to dismiss changes in behaviour
A change in behaviour doesn't automatically mean something terrible has happened. Children's behaviour changes for hundreds of reasons but safeguarding has taught me to be curious about changes from a child's normal.
Suddenly not wanting to see somebody.
Becoming frightened of somewhere they previously enjoyed.
Regression.
Changes in sleep.
Unexplained anxiety.
Using language or demonstrating knowledge that seems unusual for their age.
The answer isn't panic, it's curiosity.
What might my child be communicating to me?
Most importantly, I want her to know I will listen
I can't remove every risk from my daughter's life. None of us can.
What I can try to build is a relationship where she knows she can tell me things.
I want her to know that she can come to me when she's made a mistake.
When she's frightened.
When something embarrassing has happened.
When somebody has told her not to tell me.
When she's older and something has happened online.
Even when she thinks I'll be angry.
Because one of the greatest protective factors we can give children is a trusted adult who listens.
And here's the difficult bit…
Working in safeguarding can sometimes make parenting harder.
I know what grooming can appear like and the people sat with the most cruel intentions.
I know how the most abbhorent abuse can happen from people who are supposed to love a child the most in this world.
I know the risks technology can create and the people sat ready to abuse this system.
I know that people who harm children don't necessarily look or behave how society expects them to.
I know that children can hurt other children.
I know how quickly ordinary situations can change.
I know that children can be affected by their parents and family behaviours.
I know that children can experience inequality, discrimination and disadvantage, which may increase their risk to harm and create additional barriers to accessing support and protection.
Sometimes that knowledge sits very heavily when you're looking at your own little person. There are moments when safeguarding knowledge feels like a superpower And others when it feels like a curse because you can't unknow what you know.
But children need childhoods too
This is the bit I have to remind myself of. My job as a mum (mam) isn't to eliminate every possible risk, and if I tried, my daughter wouldn't get to experience very much of the world at all and would definitely have something to say about it.
Safeguarding isn't about creating a risk-free childhood, it's about creating a childhood where risks are understood and managed, where adults are alert and where children gradually develop the knowledge, confidence and language to help keep themselves safe.
So yes, I'll probably always be the mum taking a photograph of the day's outfit before we leave for somewhere busy, even in her adult years.
I'll probably notice things random things other parents might not even want to consider, I'll probably ask more questions, and occasionally I'll probably have to remind myself that my safeguarding brain can switch off for five minutes and simply let me be mum.
Ultimately, I don't want my daughter to grow up frightened of the world, I want her to grow up confident enough to navigate it and perhaps that's the real balance for those of us who work in safeguarding:
Know the risks. Put sensible safeguards in place. Build open conversations. Trust your instincts.
Then let them have their childhood.
Rach